Lately, I’ve been severely overwhelmed with everything. So much has been happening so fast and all at once, but the problem with me is that I try to fix everything. I try to please everyone. I pretend that everything is fine, even when it’s not. I keep everything in, and when it’s too much, I explode. When I lose control, I slowly start to lose myself. That’s when my anxiety kicks in, and moving through life becomes so tiring, so difficult. Everything becomes too much.
A few days ago, I suffered from a panic attack- I lost control of myself, and few things terrify me more than not being in control- feeling like my life and my body aren’t mine. It literally feels like my entire existence is falling apart. In reality, I’m just a 16-year old girl trying her best at her one shot to make it in this life, but sometimes, it feels like it’s just too much. It’s too much.
As a religious Christian, I feel the need to always forgive, or the need to explain myself even when I’m on the right. I care too much. I let people step over me, only to forgive too easily. Sometimes, due to the fear of losing someone, even if they don’t deserve my forgiveness. But I guess, to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in me.
So in my emotional wreck, I learnt something. It’s okay to just breathe and take some time off. Look for that one thing that makes you feel grounded, be it hanging around specific people, talking to God, writing a blog, journaling, putting on a face mask and binge-watching shows, whatever. Take care of your self. Screw what people think and say. Who cares? Honestly, life is too short. Love yourself. Have courage to tell people off if you don’t like something. Do what you got to do. Say what you got to say, before it’s too late! Time waits for no-one. No reason to cry over that one person or that one exam. It’s done. If a door closes, quite banging on it!
You’re worth so much. Most important is to find those safe spaces, to build a barrier around your heart, and to not let this evil world get to you. Hold your head up high and exude the confidence in you. A wise adult once told me, ‘fake it till you make it’! Don’t let them win. Don’t let it win. Trust yourself. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Work on being in love with that strong person you see in the mirror. You are fierce! You have to love yourself enough to take the actions required for your happiness. You might lose something beautiful because you’re too scared. Why are you scared, anyway?
So take a step back and inhale. Trust. Let go. See what happens. You can handle this. You’re strong. You’re flexible. And remember those who love you. Now, I know that it’s easier said than done, but one step at a time! I, too, have a lot to work on! We can do this!
I’ve kept so much inside that I have began losing sight of what is really important. Talking with a few trusted adults has helped me realize what is truly crucial in the long run. Click here to reach out to me privately about any problems or anxiety you may be facing or whatever. It can be completely anonymous. Be sure to check out my other blogs too!
Be gentle with yourself! 🙂